


The Roast of Thomas Jefferson

by covetsubjugation



Series: The Infamous Story of 'The Squad' [7]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:45:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7350127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covetsubjugation/pseuds/covetsubjugation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<b>get ur own dicc</b><br/>so what’s the plan</p><p><b>angel</b><br/>well eliza and peggy already know<br/>so they can make sly references<br/>you guys<br/>just be annoying</p><p><b>fight me</b><br/>got it</p><p><b>disney god</b><br/>be ourselves"</p><p>*<br/>In which the squad acknowledges Angelica is the queen of all</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Roast of Thomas Jefferson

**Author's Note:**

> PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES.
> 
> (This has nothing to do with the plot I was just listening to the off-broadway version of hamilton while writing this)

**the four musketeers’ housewarming partay!!!**  
_aaron burr, angel, baguette fucker, disney god, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, peggy_

 **fight me**  
EW

 **get ur own dicc**  
EW

 **baguette fucker**  
what

 **disney god**  
what is it now

 **fight me**  
REMEMBER THAT AD WE RESPONDED TO

 **baguette fucker**  
who could we forget

 **get ur own dicc**  
GUESS WHO THE AD POSTER WAS  
ACTUALLY NO  
WE’LL JUST TELL U  
IT’S JEFFERSON

 **fight me**  
THOMAS JEFFERSON

 **disney god**  
EW

 **baguette fucker**  
EW

 **angel**  
EW

 **peggy**  
EW

 **eliza**  
EW  
are all your texts like this

 **fight me**  
i just realised this is the wrong chat  
soz  
but essentially yes

 **baguette baguette**  
i know how to make you guys feel better

_baguette fucker has changed the group’s name “KINKSHAME JEFFERSON”_

**fight me**  
wait laf no

_baguette fucker has added better than you to the group_

**baguette fucker**  
so  
jefferson  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **better than you**  
what is this

 **baguette fucker**  
“WANTED: someone to hold my hand while I enter the grocery store.  
It’s just the beginning part of the store that scares me, then I’m okay.”

 **better than you**  
is this seriously the best use of your time?

 **fight me**  
tbh any time spent with you is a waste of my time

 **better than you**  
i could say the same for you

 **angel**  
hello jefferson

 **better than you**  
hello angelica  <3<3<3

 **angel**  
ew please don’t  
you disgust me

 **peggy**  
so  
grocery stores huh

 **better than you**  
1) who are you  
2) how is this kinkshaming

 **peggy**  
i am a schuyler sister  
and trust me this is simply the milder version of the things i know about you

 **better than you**  
if i don’t even know you  
how would you know things about me

 **peggy**  
what do you think “schuyler sister” means

 **eliza**  
hello jefferson  
there are three schuyler sisters here

 **angel**  
a schuyler sister gc does exist  
(:

 **better than you**  
you wouldn’t

 **fight me**  
wait can i be an honorary schuyler sister i want to know too

_angel has removed better than you from the group_

**get ur own dicc**  
so do we get to know???

 **angel**  
no you gotta earn it  
i just removed jefferson so he thinks we’re sharing shit

 **disney god**  
diabolical

 **baguette fucker**  
what is the nature of your evidence tho  
we need to be credible in some aspects

 **eliza**  
we have screenshots  
a loooottttt of them  
letters too  
presents  
think romantic shit that no one likes

 **angel**  
that’s not true  
i like them  
just not from jefferson

 **get ur own dicc**  
so what’s the plan

 **angel**  
well eliza and peggy already know  
so they can make sly references  
you guys  
just be annoying

 **fight me**  
got it

 **disney god**  
be ourselves

 **baguette fucker**  
do we get anything at all???  
we don’t need specifics  
but a small reference

 **angel**  
he made out some of the letters to “my dearest, angelica”

 **fight me**  
got it

_fight me has changed their name to my_

_get ur own dicc has changed their name to dearest_

_baguette fucker has changed their name to ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,_

_disney god has changed their name to angelica_

**eliza**  
wow

_angel has added better than you to the group_

**my**  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **dearest**  
(  ͡°   ͜ ʖ  ͡° )

 **,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,**  
(   ͡°   ͜  ʖ   ͡°  )

 **angelica**  
(     ͡°     ͜   ʖ    ͡°   )

 **better than you**  
angel  
you didn’t  
you promised

 **angel**  
Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, Jefferson. Welcome to the real world.

 **eliza**  
the teddy bear was a nice touch jefferson  
bit small tho  
nice to see you're keeping it real

 **peggy**  
it’s really sweet of you to bring all those flowers  
we really enjoy those  
especially when they die and leave our lives

 **angel**  
we notice the stems were badly cut tho  
shoddy handiwork jefferson  
are you trying to imply something about your own staff

 **better than you**  
I

 **peggy**  
can’t get it up?

 **angel**  
viagra works wonders  
  
**eliza**  
maybe you shouldn’t hit on the girl who is friends with all your exes

 **angel**  
we hear a lot of things jefferson  
but we also don’t hear a lot of things  
such as satisfied noises in the bedroom

 **peggy**  
i’ve heard louder sounds from the crickets in the backyard

 **my**  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **dearest**  
(  ͡°   ͜ ʖ  ͡° )

 **,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,**  
(   ͡°   ͜  ʖ   ͡°  )

 **angelica**  
(     ͡°     ͜   ʖ    ͡°   )

_better than you has left the group_

_my has changed their name to fight me_

_dearest has changed their name to get ur own dicc_

_,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, has changed their name to baguette fucker_

_angelica has changed their name to disney god_

**fight me**  
that was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen

 **baguette fucker**  
rt

 **disney god**  
rt

 **get ur own dicc**  
rt rt  
we are in awe

 **fight me**  
i would marry you all if i could

 **get ur own dicc**  
excuse me?

 **fight me**  
i still love you the most

 **get ur own dicc**  
good

_baguette fucker has changed the group name to “the angelica squad”_

**angel**  
i approve  
lafayette gets to be an honorary schuyler sister

 **baguette fucker**  
YES  
DO I GET TO WEAR YOUR DRESSES

 **angel**  
no  
you’re a different size from us  
you’ll stretch it out

 **disney god**  
i can make one for you  
although i think a group jacket would be better

 **get ur own dicc**  
WE CAN HAVE MATCHING PINS  
THE KIND THAT ARE LIKE "SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL GIRL GANG"

 **eliza**  
i like pins i’ll help

 **peggy**  
i think we just became girl scouts

 **fight me**  
i don’t mind  
they have nice cookies

 **disney god**  
ooh girl scout cookies  
i want some now

 **baguette fucker**  
don’t worry i’ve already ordered some couple of weeks back  
they should be reaching soon

 **disney god**  
did you get my favourite ones

 **baguette fucker**  
ofc

 **disney god**  
<3

 **get ur own dicc**  
#Domestic

 **fight me**  
#PolySquadGoals

 **baguette fucker**  
@ **disney god** did you just reply me with a heart  
we are spending too much time with alex and john  
they are rubbing off on you

 **get ur own dicc**  
that sounds wrong

 **baguette fucker**  
john stop sniggering i can hear you from the other room

 **angel**  
you guys are a mess

 **disney god**  
guys we are literally never going to get done moving if you don’t stop texting

 **eliza**  
aren’t u texting rn?

 **fight me**  
none of us are actually doing anything  
we’re all just flopped on our beds texting

 **baguette fucker**  
wait how do you know that

 **fight me**  
john is skyping me from his bed rn

 **disney god**  
and you didn’t invite us??

 **get ur own dicc**  
sto p crowidgn into my room

 **fight me**  
you guys all look so cute aww

 **peggy**  
i think ange is right  
you guys are a mess  
do you have a date for the party yet

 **eliza**  
they said and i quote  
“vague hand gestures in direction of calendar”  
so in like two week

 **angel**  
why do you know that

 **eliza**  
friendship and also separate chats  
alex we still gotta do that project

 **peggy**  
ooh what’s your project about?

 **eliza**  
we’re supposed to do a research project on societal issues??  
so we’re doing the objectification of women in media

 **angel**  
that sounds fun  
who came up with it

 **eliza**  
i did

 **fight me**  
lizzie did  <3  
we’ve got a pretty good head start on the report  
and we have two weeks left for the report itself  
and then the presentation after  
once i move all this shit out of my room we can discuss it  
okay bye i gotta sort out my books

 **peggy**  
remember not to throw out the ones that i want!!!

 **fight me**  
kk

 **angel**  
same

 **fight me**  
aight

 **get ur own dicc**  
wow i did not expect such a sensible response to the book limit

 **fight me**  
i am offended by your lack of faith in me  
i still have over a hundred left  
and these are the ones i don’t want to give away

 **get ur own dicc**  
do i have to come over and help you

 **fight me**  
i want to say no but i just knocked over an especially high pile of books and am buried under them  
yes please help

 **aaron burr**  
Good job, Alexander

 **fight me**  
wow the man lives to insult me

**Author's Note:**

> Did you guess? Did you guess correctly?? I actually had comments from some of you guessing who the mysterious ad poster was, thank you if that was you! I appreciate that you actually like the story well enough to comment.
> 
> I apologise if this chapter is incoherent, it is currently 2:48am and I just got back from rehearsal. I'm in my school's play and am basically the bitch of the school but apparently I'm not bitchy enough?? What is bitchy enough?? Regina George?? Jefferson in CB1?? Help.
> 
> Thank you for joining me on this chapter! I've notice there's been a slight uptick in views/kudos recently so if you were directed here by a rec or the like, please let me know so I can show my appreciation.
> 
> Also, I bought a fuckton of hamilton merch from redbubble recently and basically, [grabby hands].
> 
> Finally, the hamilton groupchat. That is still a thing? It will probably be on telegram but you know people have to show interest so if you want a hamilton gc, let me know on [tumblr](http://www,bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com). I'm also on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/saltyhart) so follow me for hamilton related crying fits and updates.


End file.
